Irritating

As my dear readers know, I teach mostly high school but in a wide variety of schools, from alternative high schools for inner city near-drop-outs, to a high school in a district populated mostly by rednecks, to a high school in "the hills" of suburbia with the kids of lawyers and professors who are just one step down from sending their kids to private school.

Anyways, I was at this rather well-off school this week and had the math class FROM HELL. I think the most infuriating thing about it is that these kids are supposed to know better. Demographically, they have been raised in 2-parent homes, gone to nice schools with high standards since Kindergarten, are likely to go on to college, and have been exposed to the value of an education (family, friends, and neighbors who are doing well thanks to their degrees.) Even if they don't match these demographics, they are going to a school where these attitudes are the norms and the predominant culture. So it makes me angry when they are rude, off-task, loud, and openly hostile to learning because they are squandering the opportunities that my other students don't have.

Since one of the purposes of this blog is to vent, and because I can't say it to their faces, I will say it now: YOU ARE AN IDIOT.

Yes, you, white male Soph-o-moron. You are ruder than the middle schoolers in the special education class for kids with behavioral disorders at AK-8.

Yes, you sassy girl. You think you are soooo street when you listen to your headphones during class and bop along to the words instead of listening to my explanation in math, but a know a few single moms on the north side that can kick your butt in work ethic. And they will, and I will laugh.

Yes, you, Junior in Algebra 1. You think you are delightfully, counter-culturally average. In a school with over achievers, you revel in not achieving. You wear your C's with pride. Let me tell you, there is a world beyond this high school. A world where lots of Juniors are in Algebra 1 because they have been hampered with sub-par schools their whole life, because they don't have parental support after school, because they don't believe college can be a reality for them. Stop wasting your time on sitting around, your parents' money on weed. Or don't. I really don't care, because tomorrow I'm going to go to a different school and expend my energy on kids who need it. Right now, as you graffiti the table and tear your worksheet up into little pieces, I'm imagining you pumping gas for all the students who clawed their way out of poverty by using all the opportunities provided to them at school and beyond.

OK, that feels better.

Back to Work!

Great vacation.

Anyhow, back at the salt mine:

Ms. GT: "Okay, let's work on that still life drawing!"

Cranky Student (C.S.) : "I don't wanna draw! This is hard!"

Ms. GT: "Well, yes, but this will make you a better artist if you try something new and challenging."

C.S.: "It doesn't matter for my art! I only draw manga."

Ms. GT: "Even manga artists need to know about shading, proportion, and drawing realistic objects that might be near the characters."

C.S.: "It makes my brain hurt!"

Ms. GT: "Good. It's supposed to."

At this point other students at the table start to snicker a bit.

Ms. GT: "If you told the PE teacher that benching made your arms hurt he would say the exact same thing. Exercise all your muscles."

C.S.: "But I don't wanna."

Ms. GT: "If there was a class in complaining you would have a 4.0."

C.S. "I wish there were. But I'm stuck here drawing."

A list ...

... of things my high school students lost in the classroom today.

- A brown notebook

-Car keys

-a green and white iPhone

-A bag of Legos

-A book and book on tape

No. No, I have not seen them.

Dude..... 4/20.....

So, I'm not yet booked to sub tomorrow but the afternoon is young and there is plenty of time for someone to come down with a wicked case of teacher burn-out. However, digging into the archives, I remember that I did indeed sub on 4/20 my first year out. (For those of you unaware of urbandictionary, 420 is the police code for marijuana and therefore 4/20 is like a pothead's Fourth of July.)
When I did get that call it was for a nice high school- large, but pulling from a good neighborhood. I was filling in for a math teacher. This particular math teacher had a math support class - they came in for one period in the morning and then another period after lunch. Anyways, this one kid, Sage or Forrest or Sequoia or something like that, comes in just REEKING of pot in the second session. Seriously, kid? I'm a teacher. That meant I spent 5 1/2 years in college with other dreamy do-gooders. You can't pull this one over on me.
The high school was so large I didn't know who to call about this one, or even if anyone would care. (I have gotten advised before when in a similar neighborhood to not bust kids for pot because their deep-in-denial parents will make life difficult for you.) So, I did what any other over-worked, under-paid sub would do: I made his little stoned brain hurt.
"Hey! Hey, SageForrestSequoia, let's do some math! Right here [tap tap tap], here's your worksheet. Wannadomath wannadomath wannadomath?!?!"
"Uuuuuummmmmm, I'm not really.... in the mood .... to do math ....."
"Oh come on! MATH IS SO FUN! How could'ya not wannadomath? [Tap tap tap] Problem one, right here, a train leaves Baltimore - Baltimore is awesome, huh - at 11:30 ..."
And on it went for another 45 minutes. I hoped he regretted coming to school stoned. But just to make sure I flagged down a security guard on my free period. "Excuse me, there was a kid in my class who I think was stoned? SageForrestSequoia?" The guard grinned and said, "Oh, I know EXACTLY who you are talking about. I'll go pull him out of class now ..."

Grr, argh

Two words:

Stink. Bomb.


Three more:

In. The. Classroom.

Found items and gifts

One of the best things about subbing are the kids who are excited to see you and glad you are there. Sometimes they tell you flat out that they want you to be their teacher all the time, sometimes they even give you little gifts (usually pictures or cards but I've also been given little yarn bracelets and other stuff.)

Here is one drawing gift:


Accompanied by the explanation "This is my rabbit. I love him more than anything. He's going to die soon."

Oh. Thanks.

There is also the equal joy of the found item. Doodles, notes, secrets all created during class, guarded carefully, then left behind as soon as the bell rings:

So unintentionally hilarious. And it's now MINE!